EXHAUSTED:!

  

 It’s officially been two weeks since I’ve arrived and started working here in Kenya.  I’ve had a really good time so far, but at the same time I’m incredibly exhausted! Since the day I got here, I have worked and worked and worked! I think I’ve calculated around 120 hrs that I’ve already spent working on my project. It’s intense, but I hope that by the end of my experience I will have a good product to deliver to my client organization.  I’m pretty happy with what I have done so far.

  Other than being exhausted, I am having an incredible time.  I’ve met some incredible people, both in the office where I work along with the people I’ve met through  my various interactions here and there.  I’ve come to find a group of individuals who I really respect and know that I am learning a lot from about so many various things.  Specifically, my colleagues at GKenya Trust have just been so welcoming, caring and affirming of who I am. While we’ve had our bouts of ughhhhssss and Ahhhhh’s!!! I’ve really come to value each person and what they bring to the table. I come to work and I really feel as if I am coming to a place where I have great friends. We will see after this is all over, but I hope the positive spirit will keep.  Along with my fabulous colleagues at GKT, there are also so many AWESOME people!! Like…AWESOME!! I’ve never met such FABULOUS people who all just live so freely. I have incredible respect and admiration for the bravery and courageousness with which all of them live their lives. I really feel as if I am amongst “Milk” like figures…young men and women who in a time and place that does not accept them, are not afraid to be who they are and stand up for what they believe is the right thing.

    I am definitely regretting my lack of ability to learn languages…I need to learn Swahili!! SOON!!!   My friend Ben gives me crap every day for it!! Hahhaa. But it is such an intricate part of the culture here, and I wish I knew more so I could invest more of myself.

   My life has been pretty much work and sleep…there hasn’t been many variations in my activities since I arrived here, except for the weekends. I don’t regret it very much…I’ve had a great time…it’s just been a lot of work. I love hanging out with my roommate though. We’ve had some incredible conversations about life so far and that is always nice to have at the end of your day. We all cook for each other here and there and do our fair share of the household chores.  I’ve tried new food, and dishes and have liked most of the things that I’ve had.  We usually go to bed around 8 at night and leave for work around 5:30 every day. We spend about 12 hours in the office before we come home and do the same routine every now and then.
     My weekends have been a little bit more varied. I am living in a small town outside of Nairobi called Rongai, which is about a 20-60 minute drive into and out of town depending on the traffic.  My transportation is limited to my roommates ability to pick me up and drive me, and or to have someone else come and pick me up. The past couple weekends I’ve been able to find a ride into town and have had an AMAZING time! WOW! In many ways, I LOVE Nairobi. I’ve had some incredible nights out and the people I’ve encountered were all so great. Last weekend I went dancing with a few people after spending the days with my new friend Ali who is this incredible guy who is so full of life.

 

  He’s so out there in so many ways, and he is not afraid to be himself. We went to a meeting that we held for our organization and then I hung out while he got a many and a petty. Then we got our haricuts…it was so much fun and to see his tremendous spirit was just so great. Later that night I met up with a few colleagues from work and we had some great time outside of the office getting to know each other. And then at the very end of the night, we went to this place called Gypsies which is a dancing club and AHHHHH it was so cool!!

   This weekend I met an awesome new friend who is a diplomat for the US Foreign Service Department. He invited me to join him and 9 of his friends for a dinner party he was throwing and we all had an AWESOME time.  We were all our big old MO selves and had a great time laughing and talking about our various lives. Many of his friends were colleagues from the embassies, so I got to meet people from many different parts of the world. And not to mention, the house and place where we were were just remarkable! I loved it! It was so beautiful and reminded me a lot of the states.

   On Saturday mornings, David, my roommate and I have attempted running…. I fail miserably every time given that we are running on a mountain. I’m fine going down the hill…it’s the running back up that has really gotten to me. But it’s a nice and refreshing run that I hope will help keep me in shape. This weekend he and I also went swimming in an Olympic sized pool in downtown Nairobi. It was so nice just to have a relaxing swim and then lunch.

   Overall, I think I’m learning a lot about myself. I struggle here and there…it’s not easy to come to some random place in the world all by yourself. I would argue that it was just as hard to come to Arkansas as it was to come to Nairobi.  There are the times when you just want to have that friend that has known you forever and who you don’t have to explain yourself too all the time. And of course there’s the unfamiliarity of the space and the place that you live. Orienting myself hasn’t been easy, but at the same time, it’s a part of the experience and I’m grateful for that.

    One aspect of walking around that I’ve noticed a lot is that everyone looks at me and stares. Culturally I guess when you see someone that you normally don’t see in a small town just outside of the city, you can’t help but be curious about them. I’m a “Mazoongu” or white person and that has its benefits and challenges. Sadly, people assume somehow that I have some type of power, that I have money of some kind and etc… It makes me more vulnerable in some ways because of what people ASSUME I am…but at the same time it also protects me in some ways as well.  It’s just hard to constantly be watched and to be “different” when sometimes you just want to fit in and be “normal. I can’t help but feel that this must be similar to the experience of minority students when they are the “only” one’s like who they are. I absolutely hate that someone would ever have to feel as if they are different ALL the time, and to be questioned and subject to more scrutiny because they stand out more.

    I’m about a quarter of the way through my experience so far.  It’s great. It’s challenging. It’s one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do. My work has been compounded by the fact that I am also stressed out with all of the new components of my life that I have to be aware of. Making new friends, learning a culture, how I’m supposed to get where, etc, etc. So many parts of who I am.

   At the end of the day though, I am learning over and over again. Each and every day. I’m so thankful to grow and to become more of myself. To challenge my prior conceptions and to live life more open and full to the possibility. One of those possibilities to me came in the form of watching the world cup opening ceremony with my colleagues at work. I wanted to cry, I don’t think they would have understood. But for me, it highlighted the beauty that is Africa. This amazing place that I have come to love in so many ways is finally getting a world stage that it deserves. It is beautiful and amazing and to know that more and more good things are coming to this place just helps me to know that I am in the right place.

 Ahhh world, wish me luck!! Thanks to all of you who have kept in touch and followed me. It means a lot to know you are out thereJ

In Ubuntu!

The Warmth of the Sun

I've been thinking a lot about love in the past couple of days. I've been attached to my desk day in and day out since Monday working to develop Human Rights trainings surrounding the Yogyakarta Principles which apply international Human Rights Law to Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity.  The principles really explore the conception of what it means to be human, the universal characteristics that bind the wealthiest, egotistical and seemingly self centered wall street banker to the ragged, impoverished street child of Calcutta.  


 As I've explored the universal idea of humanity through this project, I've delved deeper into my own conceptions of what it means to be human and the areas of my life that have helped me to recognize both my own humanity and that of others.  The greatest truth to this idea , the element that is crucial to understanding the core of human rights, and interestingly, an element that is not explicitly stated in the Principles I am working on is the element of love.  Love being the capacity within a person to have deep and intimate connections with a fellow human being to the fundamental parts of who we are, reaching the points within ourselves that transcend all other realities and bias'. 


  I learned this lesson several years ago....one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking times of my life...for to love wholy, completely and unconditionally is by far the hardest thing that I've ever had to do....but through it, within it, stood the greatest beauty I've ever been able to feel within my life. We may not be able to stare directly at the sun, but we are able to know the warmth it brings to our hearts. Love to me is the same thing...maybe we don't know it completely, or maybe it varies from person to person, experience to experience. It's too large to define, or to completely comprehend, but at the most basic level we know that at the very least, it warms us and brings beauty to our life in many different ways. 


 Before I knew this reality, I can't say that I didn't have love in my life, but I failed to recognize it. I failed to see that love was all around me, and that in many ways I took it for granted or negated it's presence within my life. And because of that, I grew cold; numb to the experiences within life that allowed me to see both myself and the greater world around me. 


  After realizing my own capacity for love, for the deep and intimate connections that I as a human being am able to have with others, I began to see the world in a different light. It wasn't about the one person that I found myself connected too; it was about how being connected to that one person showed me the ability I had to connect with others. After experiencing such a profound emotion, I couldn't help but see how it was reflected in every other part of my life. How I appreciated the whole world in a much more fundamental way. How I began to VALUE and be thankful for the things that my interactions with other people brought to my life. 


  I recognized through my own capacity to love, that I was connected to something much larger, greater than myself, but something I was no more or less connected to. Suddenly I was able to tie my own experiences within life to that of others. I was able to reflect on a human level the realities of racism, sexism, homophobia, poverty, injustice, trauma, etc, etc. And just like the sun, while I would never truly know the day to day details of what it means to be an African American walking the streets of America, or to live in poverty in the slums of India, I was able, to a degree, to feel fundamentally what that experience may mean.  And I was able to know it, not through my own imposition of my truth, my reality; but understanding it through the unconditional, the selfless act of love where through my capacity to completely and wholeheartedly open myself up to another person's life, to have a deeper understanding.  To value my own life and all that it is made up of, but to at the same time be completely and utterly open to the whole life and all that makes up the life of another and the interdependence that I have with that person; those people. 


  Thus as I move forward developing these trainings on human rights as it applies to sexual orientation and gender identity I am reminded not of my own; or our,  singular identity, rather the greater love I have felt within my life which connects me to a greater human identity that each and every person has, including those of us within the world who are treated differently because of our sexual or gender identity.  I am so thankful for the love that has existed within my life up until this point...it has helped me to discover even greater things within my present life, and I know that it will continue to drive me as I move forward within my life advocating for this greater humanity I have found within the world. 


   Peace to those out in the world who strive for love in all they do. Love to those who value humanity holistically. And forgiveness to those who struggle to see the humanity in others. May you begin to value their humanity, through your own. 


A Beautiful poem introduced to me from a friend here in Nairobi:



Isabel Heyward, on Love.

09/13
2009
1:47PM

Love, like truth and beauty, is concrete. Love is not fundamentally a sweet feeling; not, at heart, a matter of sentiment, attachment, or being drawn toward. Love is active, effective, a matter of making reciprocal and mutually beneficial relations… Love creates righteousness on earth… As advocates and activists for justice know, loving involves struggle, resistance, risk. People working today on behalf of women, blacks, lesbians and gay men, the aging, the poor know that making justice is not a warm, fuzzy experience. I think also that sexual lovers and good friends know that the most compelling relationships demand hard work, patience, and a willingness to endure tensions and anxiety in creating mutually empowering bonds. For this reason loving involves commitment. We are not automatic lovers of self, others, world, or God. Love does not happen. We are not love machines. Love is a choice —not simply, or necessarily, a rational choice, but rather a willingness to be present to others without pretense or guile. Love is a conversion to humanity —a willingness to participate with others in the healing of a broken world and broken lives. Love is the choice to experience life as a member of the human family, a partner in the dance of life.

— Isabel Carter Heyward (b. 1945 in North Carolina) is a lesbian feminist theologian. Oft-cited author, Heyward’s most distinctive theological idea is that it is open to each of us to incarnate God (that is, to embody God’s power), and that we do so most fully when we seek to relate genuinely to others in what she calls relationality. God is defined in her work as ‘our power in mutual relation’. For her, ‘the shape of God is justice’, so human activity can, as theologian Lucy Tatman has observed elsewhere, be divine activity whenever it is just and loving. In Heyward’s work, God is therefore not a personal figure, but instead the ground of being, seen for example in compassionate action, which is the movement of God in and through the depths of all that is.

A National Holiday

This morning I went on a jog in the rift valley with David and it was a great day. I’m definitely not as in shape as I would like to be, but it was incredible country side.  Today was a national holiday, the 57^th anniversary of when Kenya was given it’s independence from Britain. No one went to work and there was a big celebration in the city stadium, complete with Jet fighters flying over.

  We ended up going into the office to do a little work and it felt like a very productive day. Then later, Javince and I made Ugali, Skuma wiki + Beef, a traditional luo meal that is very VERY good.

The first day in the offices:

So being the head of the organization, David is required to get to the office EARLY. So we ended up getting there quite early in the day, but in doing so I was able to greet each new person that came in. And one by one my anxiety about working on LGBT rights in Africa slowly became a small murmur. Meeting all of the people there, I was just so blown away by who they each were as people. Every single person had an awesome personality and I just felt connected to all of them instantaneously. It’s strange how much they reminded me of my friends back home and helped me to reflect on that similarity. At the end of the day, we’ve discovered our humanity…how beautiful is that? I’m so glad to have all of them in my life. I hope that over time we will all become better friends than we already are.

   During the day My friend Murtisya and I set out my entire schedule for the summer. It looks like I will have a lot of work on the front end, but a ton of tuime to dedicate to other projects and to assist in whatever way I can. I’m also excited because I hope to be able to travel extensively throughout Kenya to be able to help others throughout the country to have a voice and to attend our trainings.

  All in all it was an amazing day and I’m so thankful to be in the hands of such incredible people. They have really started to paint for me a different view of the world that I never had before and it’s helping me to conceptualize myself and who I am as a person and ultimately the interconnectedness we all share as human beings. When it comes down to it, every single person reminded me of at least 10 beautiful friends I have back home. The only difference is that they are in a world where to be who they really are comes at a much heavier cost.  But alas, things will change. I know they will, and I’m excited to be a witness to that. 

Church

   On Sunday morning I woke to the most beautiful sounds coming from outside…a church community just down the road was having services and in the African tradition were full of hymnals. It was beautiful to wake up to and a warm welcome to Africa.  Of course, I started to feel sad just a bit when I thought to myself about the fact that many LGBT individuals have been cast aside by the church, but then we attended a MCC meeting at our headquarters where there was a service for us. We sang and offered our thoughts on life and it was incredibly beautiful and poignant to kick start my experience here. I got to dive a little deeper with my colleagues and to start unwrapping the story of LGBT Kenyans.

   In the afternoon, my roommate David and I took an incredible walk through the country side where there was incredible scenery all around. I felt very blessed to be in that moment, and what made it more ironic was having had the service earlier in the day where we discussed having appreciation for the things around us, and then later in the afternoon we were surrounded by the beautiful nature of Kenya.

 I also loved getting to know David as well. It seems that he and I lead to very similar different lives. He is an incredible person and I feel so honored to be in his presence. He is a person who helped to found the LGBT organization here in Kenya and is it’s acting director. He once wanted to become a priest but found another calling in LGBT advocacy work.  As he and I discussed one another’s lives, I couldn’t help but identify how similar our lives were and the way in which we live our lives. We seem to have a ton in common and I’m so thankful to have him as a roommate.

   Later that night, Javince made us dinner and we had a great time eating and getting ready for work the next day. 

The first 24 hrs in Nairobi:

We ended up leaving the Cairo airport around 10:45PM on Friday and got into Nairobi at 3:45 am. We were greeted by my two hosts Javince and David, both who were these fabulous men who were incredible at welcoming me into their home. It was an intense first few hours…I had gotten little to no sleep on the plane and I think about an hour away from landing it started to hit me that this experience was real.  So was we drove into the city, it was dark and even at 4:30 in the morning, there were a ton of people on the park.

   Our home is right next to the Nairobi National Park in a small suburb/town called Rangai. We live in a small complex with a guard and a gate towards the middle of a dirt road.  We arrived and shortly there after I slept for a few hours before we drove into town to go to work. With maybe three hours of sleep, we arrived at the warm and friendly office where I met and was comforted by the most fabulous men ever. Kris, Omrian, Mutisya  were three amazing guys and it just really helped me to feel much more relaxed here in terms of the physical place of Nairobi as well as the issue that I will be working on this summer.

   Javince has also taken amazing care of me. He call’s me his son officially now, and he has helped me out so much to be able to get around town in all of the Matutu’s and figuring out the transportation system.  We ended up being so tired that we fell asleep early that night.

 

I saw the Pyramids!!!

     I saw the pyramids today and had an amazing time!!! It was unbelievable to be at the site or the great pyramids.  It was nothing like what I had ever imagined and I felt so lucky to have such an incredible experience. The Pyramid complex was surrounded on three sides by the city of Cairo butted up against the fence. The peddlers were the worst out of the places in the world that I have ever been and sadly, like at every other historic place I’ve been to around the world, there was a KFC right outside of the main gate.

   But at the end of the day, standing next to the great pyramids, I couldn’t help but wonder about the how, the why, and the who of that place. How sands over time have slowly buried this place and how all we have are these bits and pieces to conceptualize what it might have been like. Ahhhh, but how cool.

  We ended up not staying for the famed, light and sound show at the Pyramids, but we did go out on a Faluka ride with Lemise and Mohamed on the Nile river. It was so relaxing and beautiful. After that we went and got these amazing local meal which was unique. We drove up and honked and this young man, no older than 14 came rushing out to take our order. Then we stood outside our car and talked and talked while we waited for our food. When our food came, it was laid out on the hood of the car and we just enjoyed it.  Then we dropped off Lemise, and headed home. We then got back to our hostel around 2:oo Am only to wake extremely late, right at 12 o’clock to the hostel keeper calling our room phone telling us we had 15 minutes to get out!!

     For a few hours we joined Mohamed at a local country club where we played soccer and basketball and enjoyed more Cairo life.  Then we went back to the hostel, caught our shuttle and headed to the airport.

   Our time in Cairo was amazing, and we were so blessed to have connected with Mohamed, his mom Maha, and Lemise, his fiancé. They were so amazing, and really showed us a side to Cairo that you couldn’t get if you were just a plain old tourist.  I learned to appreciate the city and its people so much more than I ever had before and what an incredible gift to be able to walk away with. 

Re-thinking, Re-Designing the Conceptions of the World and My Place in it.

Today truly was one of those amazing, life changing days.

  Today, I was challenged to re-conceptualize my understanding and knowledge of the world and its constructions. For much of my life I have had a basic understanding of the various ways that ancient civilizations have come to be and to pass. Particularly the rise and fall of the Ancient Egyptian Civilization. I have always held these views, taught to me through such things as my public school education as well as movies like "The Mummy" and the cartoon "Moses" and like a lot of people believed this time period to be extremely removed from any modern reality or truth. As my history books taught me, the people looked a certain way and behaved in ways that were far different than our more modern, our more "civilized" society.

  Was I WRONG...in fact while wandering through the vast corridors of the Egyptian Museum today I couldn't help be reflect on all of the things in life that I have been taught that seem to be misleading. Today, I was reminded of the ever lasting human condition that plagues all people every where, in any given time period.  While yes I knew that these Pharoh's shared in many of our fine tastes of luxury and high society, too, they had a thriving culture that seems eerily familiar to our "modern" world.  To have associations and feasts, parties, friends, etc, etc...all things that still matter today.

  What struck me the MOST however, was also recognizing the inconsistencies between what existed today in that museum and the textbooks of my childhood, and that was the obvious negation of various forms of diversity and entire group's intellectual and cultural capacity that seems somehow to be so easily dismissed in contemporary literature. I was fortunate enough to be introduced to the thoughts and theories of Carol Gibbs today who acknowledges the strange absence of black people from our historical conceptions of all places Egypt, and more so, their contributions and thriving societies that they had built for themselves in the "ancient" world. Not only did it have to deal with race, but the interconnectivity that was obviously displayed throughout the museum to the rest of the world.  I never knew the intimate connections that were shared between the roman empire and the Egyptian civilization at the time. To the point where I saw people of roman dissent buried in coffins that were made for Pharaoh's. There seemed to be a shared world, one with riches from every corner of the globe.

 The capacity of this great culture astounded me and forced me to acknowledge the obvious subjugation over time of particular peoples and their way of life. How over time, we have failed to recognize whole heartedly the great achievements of this empire. I realized that what cultures tend to do as a form of power and dominance is to erase history itself. To alter it in such a way that it seems so foreign and dissimilar to anything that we as a people could ever have conceptualized. As the Romans began to dominate the world, the Egyptians slowly tapered off and with their Roman power, these Cesar's, these popes, these politicians altered the truth of history to fit their contemporary belief systems. To uphold their values, while at the same time completely erasing another's. I was reminded of the early mid-evil era when the church deliberately turned pagan Gods into Christian deities in order to slowly coalesce their fellow country men to go along with their plots to dominate and over power the world. Indulgences anyone?

 Well today I learned that the all to arbitrary truth is here in Cairo as well. And I am so thankful to have had my eyes opened even wider to the shameful practices of the world where we adjust the reality of the world to meet our needs and formulate speculation, assumption and stereotypes of a place we've never been, a people we've never met that separate them entirely from who we are.  This can be found even today and is something that must be considered in our path forward as GLOBAL citizens.

  Tonight was an even greater reminder of that as we headed out to the local Shish bar to watch a futbol match between two of Cairo's top teams for the quarter final. We were there with some new local friends and through the power of discussion, the "world's game", and some belly aching laughs I affirmed once more within my heart the greater capacities of human beings to love, to care and to connect on levels that stem far beyond the differences that divide us from time to time.

  And of course, as we were driven home to our hostel, we connected even more through our shared love of music...another language of the world.

   Today I was reminded of what has been done to billions of people around the world in all different ways that negate their holistic experience on this earth.

  Tonight, I was reminded of just how important and beautiful it is to discover, value, understand and appreciate the greater world around us and the people in it. To never take it for granted, and to always seek out the true origins of who a person is, and who a people are.

~ namaste ~

Meditation on my upcoming journey to East Africa.

There are a lot of things going through my mind as I prepare to leave for my 10 week service learning project in Nairobi, Kenya this summer. I am scared, nervous, excited, anxious and all around just in awe of the experience that is about to unfold before me.

   One thing that still looms in the back of my mind is the idea of meaning and purpose of what I am about to embark on. I know that many have been concerned for my safety while others have questioned the basic premise for why I would put myself in such a certain position. Why not something more...mainstream.

  There is a part of me that says and agrees that this is not the most traditional route to follow, nor is it an issue that is popular around the world. I could say I am traveling to the west Nile to combat environmentalism, or to Ghana to combat malnutrition, or even to South america to provide medical support for the debilitated, and most would say...wow, way to go.

   So in a traditional sense I understand, while at the same time I can't help but want to underscore just how important I believe that the work I am about to embark on  is to the general peace and stability of the world. I think it says a lot that the world isn't talking as much about these issues. Africa is becoming progressively more and more a hotbed of homophobia that is being fueled by religious extremists from the west.

  In a way the social issues of the west have made visible in other parts of the world these vulnerable populations and have sparked much more violent responses from local communities who either do not understand or who see these influences as Western culture rather than human dignity and worth.

  Thus I believe strongly that not only is it the right thing to do by working on gender and sexuality issues abroad, but I believe in a way that it is my responsibility to lend in whatever way I can the resources at my disposal to assist my fellow person around the world who are facing similar hostilities that I have once faced, or who through because of my own countries visibility now face persecution in their own ways in their native lands.

  At the end of the day for me, this experience is and never will be about homosexuality or the connotations surrounding this minority population. It is about the greater dignity of the human being that exists within every single person on this earth, even in those individuals who are cast aside most by their society.  It is about the inherent worth that exists in every person that I believe ought to be respected because we could just as easily have been that minority person. In another time, in another place, we may have been that castaway.

  Homosexuality itself makes up a much larger picture when we take a moment to step back and recognize the greater picture that it plays within the greater world. This is not about sex, this is about the right to love fully and unconditionally another human being. This is about the capacity to care and to have concern for the worth of another and to honor those connections in every way possible. What does it mean when two people can fall hopelessly in love with one another, to care for each other for all the right reasons and to be able to connect on such deep and intimate levels? What does this mean for humanity itself when we instill in our children that to love another person who is like you or similar to you is wrong? How does embracing the possibility of love impact the greater attitudes we have for the rest of the world?

 It's just a thought.  But one I've put a lot of time and energy into. I care about this not because I'm so centered in identity politics, particularly those of the LGBT community, but rather the greater humanity that I have discovered through the love I have felt for my fellow person. I am here because of Ubuntu, because if I take away your right to fall in love with the person you deeply connect with the most, then I deny myself that same ability.

 So off to Kenya!